“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” Ingrid Bergman

I love to kiss. When I think back to living in France in my 20s, the most memorable part of my time there was all the kissing that occurred. I got to kiss everyone: strangers, friends and of course, lovers. Participating in that social ritual that demanded that one come in close was what I missed most when I left. I had no idea that there was a science and study of kissing when I started this article and I must admit that I feel a bit miffed that we can consecrate a science to kissing, philematology, and people still balk at the idea of loveology. Still, the more I learn about kissing, the more legitimate the science becomes. Kissing is the building block of intimacy. Done with intention and passion, the kiss is the most profound of all our communication devices and the pathway to sustaining loving relationships.

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“Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex.” Henry Ellis

Appreciating the joys of living in a body of flesh and blood literally begins with the euphoric recognition of what it is to be a sexual being. From the tiniest of sensations on the skin to the perfectly placed nerve endings in our most erogenous zones, we are bodies molecularly designed to experience profound pleasure, deep connection and the ability to procreate all within the same remarkable, mysterious, life changing act. This month we invite you to explore with us the wonders of what we love about sex.

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“An inordinate passion for pleasure is the secret of remaining young.” -Oscar Wilde

One of my best memories of the recent sex therapy conference that I recently attended was when I met the 84 year old grandmother of one of the PhD students attending the conference. Actually, she was accompanied by both her mom and sister too and the whole family was being interviewed about the “hottest thing” they saw in Phoenix at this AASEC T conference. The grandmother said in her slow and steady Midwestern accent, that “she must be the hottest thing there, as she has been loving sex for most of her 84 years.” When I asked her if her if she thought her sex life kept her young, she responded, “Well, maybe when I am having it.”

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“Man is a knot into which relationships are tied.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Life is made of moments of unraveling. There are good reasons everyday that things come undone, but perhaps none so painful as the un-doing of our most intimate relationships. It is easy to understand how living with the difficult emotions of disappointment, embarrassment and the irritation and resentment associated with loving people up close, can bring out the least attractive parts of ourselves. And how in turn this most difficult emotional space can impact our ability to stay loving and present in the relationships we have chosen.

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“We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love – first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.” Albert Camus

Most people who have affairs will say that they don’t know how it happened. Extramarital affairs are rarely consciously planned; they happen as life often does, with one thing leading to another. Evolutionary psychologists, in attempts to understand human behavior as prevalent as infidelity, have found some interesting patterns that suggest that our biology might again be the leader in our life choices.

The percentage of people impacted by infidelity is between 30-60% of all married couples, depending on the study cited. More interesting than the differing rates of occurrence for men and women are the different patterns of infidelity for each gender.

Cheating men are more likely than cheating women to have an affair with someone younger than their spouse. On the other hand, cheating women are more likely than cheating men to have an affair with someone better educated than their current spouse.

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If ever an expression defined human behavior, it is the notion that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Ovid, an ancient Roman philosopher and poet was perhaps the first when he said that “the harvest is always more fruitful in another man’s fields.” This sense that life is better for others has perhaps its strongest and most debilitating hold on us as it affects our relationships. Infidelity, the most cutting breach of trust that we experience in our intimate relationships is rampant. It is so common that not having some form of the experience is uncommon. While the stories of infidelity are as unique as the millions of people who engage in them – our shared human biology, emotional needs and the thinking errors that allow them – are universal.

http://www.goodcleanlove.com/cms/index.php/newsletters/earth/262-the-grass-is-greener

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Wind power is one of the fastest growing alternative energy sources available. What could be cleaner than capturing the power of the moving air and turning it into energy?

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Sometimes we give up one kind of balance for another. Our work lives take over our personal life, new families take over old exercise routines, and sometimes our love life can take over all of it. Losing our balance over love can be fun. Actually that “in love, out of control craziness” of deep connection can be like a drug, blurring our vision so that the world has a rosy hue and commitments to any thing other than our beloved are hard to keep.

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Sometimes we give up one kind of balance for another. Our work lives take over our personal life, new families take over old exercise routines, and sometimes our love life can take over all of it. Losing our balance over love can be fun. Actually that “in love, out of control craziness” of deep connection can be like a drug, blurring our vision so that the world has a rosy hue and commitments to any thing other than our beloved are hard to keep.

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Love takes practice. Love is an action verb that is skill based; our capacity to love is the source of our genius, the inspiration for our creativity, and the essence of what roots us to the earth. Seeing our relationships in terms of a practice of love drills is a helpful approach that can keep your heart open and willing to try again, even after the inevitable hurts that define human relating. Rilke said that “the ultimate, the last test and proof of our humanity, the work for which all other work is but preparation, is for one human being to love another.” So in preparation for Valentine’s Day, commit to the truth that you were born to love and know that you have the capacity to love more skillfully, more courageously and with more tenacity than you ever imagined

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