I have advocated sex as healing tool for years now. The longer that I am married, the more it seems true that the discussions following sex are more honest, more pointed and more connected than any conversation before hand. Indeed the physical conversation in deep sexuality is a language unto itself and has the power to untangle and unwind many emoitshed superfluous layers. After sex we talk about the real issues, having already resolved the painful feelings that have built upon our disconnection.
When my review copy of Sex Comes First- 15 Ways to Save Your Relationship Without Leaving Your Bedroom arrived, my interest was piqued in the introduction. The very first lines of the book link copulation and coupling as the intrinsic foundation of a fulfilling relationship. The author, Joel Block, PhD turns the typical therapy process of “feel something and then do something” on its head with his premise that by “doing something, you create the feelings”. The unstated “something” is sex. The book provides step by step directions for a variety of sexual encounters to deal with a wide range of emotional issues.
The book covers all of the major issues that most couples face at some point in their relationship including anger, jealousy, trust, poor communication, and infidelity among others. The initial discussion on each issue provides explanation of using those emotional experiences to your advantage or disadvantage. The book presumes that the reader wants to improve their relationship. Different sexual therapeutic practices are recommended for each of the different issues. It would take a real commitment to your relationship to be willing to try some of them if you were deep in the throes of emotional turmoil.
I actually believe that “The right sexual act at the right time can actually help resolve many of your issues as a couple today.” I also believe that if we understood the power of deep and transformative sexuality and reserved it for the people we are working to love, we would all inhabit a different plane together. So if you are in a situation where you keep looking at the door, or are faced with more doubts than belief in your relationship, pick this book up and try a few of the exercises. You might just realize that the answer to your problems was right there in your bedroom all along.