“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence” Aristotle

The recent opening of time in my life has shined a light on this ancient and wise perception of life’s meaning. Relaxing the tempo opened up a golden moment of togetherness today at the lake with my four children and one of their oldest friends. We sat on a giant floatie in the middle of a beautiful nearby lake. Having all the kids together these days in a shared activity is increasingly rare as they get older and all the more special for its infrequence.

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“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.”  -Jane Howard

I built my life around making a tribe that I belong to, and like most things in life, now I am often overcome by the power of my intention. Belonging is essential and also exacts a cost. Sometimes the cost feels excessive; sometimes the belonging is everything. The key is being able to hold them both simultaneously, even when one or the other threatens to overwhelm. The practice is not unlike holding what is annoying and loveable about the people in our tribe.

It is easy to get lost on one side or the other. Like tonight when my full clan descended into the small travel head quarters at Embassy Suites. The kids aren’t kids anymore and it isn’t just their physical size that takes up so much room. They each have very distinct personalities, behavioral ticks, emotional struggles and a unique sense of humor.  Mostly we live in peace together, but it is tenuous. One person’s momentary bad mood can easily be misinterpreted and before long an argument erupts out of nowhere.

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“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” -Martin Luther King Jr.

Over the years, and certainly throughout the positivity quest, there seems fewer and fewer things that are worth fighting about, both in my family, at work and in life. Even as the kids have moved into their teen years, one lesson from mothering that has held fast is the idea of choosing my battles. There are few things that deserve the consistency and vigilance that true discipline requires of both parent and child. Hygiene was never at question, but tidiness was open to interpretation. Disagreements were allowed but disrespect was not. Individuation was encouraged but not at the expense of maintaining relationships. Family needs and interrelating was always the trump card.

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Listen to Wendy talk with her children about what life has been like with a a mother who makes love products and calls herself a loveologist. Listen to how love is distilled through the generations and they generously share their best advice about relationships in families. Understand the work of boundaries – what works and doesn’t from the perspective of teens. Witness the emotional intelligence that families uniquely offer us when they fulfill their potential.

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“Sanctuary, on a personal level, is where we perform the job of taking care of our soul.” Christopher Forrest McDowell

I live in the middle of Northwest forest. Tucked away in the midst of trees and sky and absolute silence is the singular circumstance in my life that brings sanity to all the rest. Our house is unusual, no closets in any bedrooms, only one family bathroom and no master suite. In fact the master bedroom is the smallest room in the house. Draped in deep red embroidered silk, the French doors look onto a little balcony that is our family’s nest in the trees.

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“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” ~G.K. Chesterton

In a houseful of teenagers, preteens and young adults I rarely know how many there will be for dinner. It could be as small as the three of us left, or as many as twelve with the steady boyfriend or girlfriend, or the clan of boys surrounding my younger son. It is rare, however for it to be all four of the kids and my husband and I. The last time we had any consistent time as a family unit was last Christmas when we spent two weeks in Hawaii. I treasure the moments when it is all of us, if only because I see the writing on the wall and I know that these times will increasingly become the family holiday.

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“A good friend is a connection to life – a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.” ~Lois Wyse

Lunch today with my friend Lucy was a great gift. Our friendship started through the friendship of our sons and has grown well past theirs. She is one of the most optimistic realists I have ever known. Ever the voice of thoughtful reason, her positive spin on the facts have directed large-scale local political campaigns, tamed wild spirited teenage insanity and put her dear husband to rest way before his time.

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“Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree.” ~Marian Wright Edelman

Kindness is the greatest wisdom. This is the only lesson that I have managed to stay 100% consistent while raising my four children. When they were little, I paid more attention to how their arguments were fought and resolved than the housekeeping. For me, the feelings and connection between the family reigned supreme. Having grown up in a household that was divisive and lonely, creating a home of kindness was my single most important mission. It provided the ground for the rest of my life.

Childhood is a jungle. Becoming yourself both in physical stature and personal character through the tumultuous teen years is nothing short of heroic. My younger children are struggling with the issues that plagued their older siblings years ago, when the biggest concern for them was finding the missing Lego or who had the last string cheese. Moving onto the serious business of first crushes and surging hormones creates emotional drama that no one is quite prepared for.

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“Life is the fruit she longs to hand you, ripe on a plate. And while you live, relentlessly she understands you.”~Phyllis McGinley

I have four remarkable children. Becoming a mother to each of them has taught me more about how love changes you from the inside out than anything else in my life. In the twenty plus years of celebrating mother’s day with my children, I have often struggled with feeling unappreciated and invisible. Mother’s Day was a holiday that we couldn’t quite get right. Maybe it was the positivity quest this year that gave me a new angle on the day, but today I celebrated the holiday from the inside out and it was a success.

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“The sum which two married people owe to one another defies calculation. It is an infinite debt, which can only be discharged through eternity.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Twenty-six years ago today was a Saturday. I know this because I was married at 3 o’clock in the afternoon. Well, at least there was a young woman of 22 who was married that day. I still look vaguely like her, or at least I can remember her in me. I could not have imagined what I was saying I do to in those days. No one can. The promise to walk beside someone for better or worse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer… how can you know what that will mean at 22, or even years later? The promise is one that you keep day by day.

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