“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.” -John Milton

Long ago, when I first imagined selling love products I called them Sacred Moments. The first labels had a picture of a lit candle surrounded by ancient quotes on the power of physical love to heal the world. My thinking was that there is no moment closer to our source than the moment of deeply physically loving the person you love. Shared orgasmic experience is as close as we get to the divine. That kind of love is awe inspiring and acts on the body like a system reset button.

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Wendy Slick is the Director/Producer of the feature documentary, “Passion and Power: The Technology of Orgasm” which offers a unique historical perspective of female sexuality. A well known producer and director for a wide range of media including -American Playhouse, Disney, Showtime, PBS, CBS, and VH-1, she has been honored with numerous awards and several Emmy and ACE nominations. She has created film projects for the Herb Alpert Foundation, Carlos and Deborah Santana’s Foundation, Woman’s Funding Network, among others. This ground breaking documentary opened at Lincoln Center in NYC to a sold out audience and is currently showing internationally and being distributed by First Run Features.

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“Tell me what you eat, I’ll tell you who you are.” ~Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

Pavarotti was quoted in his biography saying: “One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating.” What more can you say about a life well lived than it was delicious. The experience of eating high quality food, spending mindful time choosing ingredients and stopping all else to prepare them is as basic an act of deliberate living that exists. How we feed ourselves throughout our day says more about how you function and live than anything else you do on a daily basis.

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Listen this week to author of “Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction” and sex educator, Debby Herbenick, Phd, answer your questions about sexual health and unlock the mysteries of sexual pleasure. Her intelligent, thoughtful and down to earth responses have made the Kinsey website the place to go for the authoritative answers we are all searching for. Don’t miss this enlightening conversation sure to create more satisfying intimacy for all…

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One of my new favorite books on my nightstand is “Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction” by Debby Herbenick, As one of the most well respected sex educators in the country, Debby has answered thousands of questions about everything sexual from people across the country as the primary responder to literally thousands of questions at the Kinsey Institute. Because it Feels Good is smart sexy, starting with Debby, herself, on the cover in a fabulous pink dress. Her years of practice answering questions and writing columns for national magazines makes her down to earth explanations about some of the “most blush worthy aspects of sexuality” both approachable and authoritative. Although it is subtitled as a woman’s guide to sexual pleasure and satisfaction, the books wide range of topics would be interesting and of benefit to anyone who loves a woman as well as the woman herself.

The book is a worthy handbook for anyone’s sexual education library because the basic premise is that sex can and should be feel good. Her focus on healthy pleasure and her enlightening discussion of libido and anatomy provides the knowledge that most of us are missing to create more satisfying intimacy. It has gotten rave reviews from everyone who is anyone in the world of sex education and therapy.

‘Physics is to mathematics as sex is to masturbation’ -Richard Feynman

Learning how to love is a complex set of equations. Knowing how to love is no more an inborn skill than being able to compute algebraic equations. Physical loving turns these basic math facts into the complex calculations which is the glue of the physical universe. Seen in this light, masturbation is like learning our basic math facts. Our physical and sexual anatomy is at once universal and individual. Gaining an understanding of the functionality of our own sexual organs and discovering reliable pathways to pleasure is prerequisite for any possibility of a paired enjoyment.

Although saying the word, masturbation will successfully silence conversation in almost any room, the truth about masturbation is that it is the most common sexual practice the world over. Since the 1950′s repeated studies have shown that the percentage of men who masturbate is close to 100% and for women, the percentage is not far behind at 82%. Besides that, masturbation for those who allow themselves the practice is one that is enjoyed throughout our life span. We won’t discuss the subject, even with our partners and closest friends, masturbation is off limits.

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Having regular orgasms will extend your life and provide the basis for more long lasting relationships. Recent studies have confirmed the link between longevity and orgasm frequency. We know that people who enjoy a regular, satisfying sex life (ie. regular orgasms) are less stressed, less depressed and generally more well physically, mentally and emotionally. This level of satisfaction and well being is reflected in the partnerships in which they are shared. The depth of connection and the bonds of trust that shared orgasmic experiences builds into a relationship is a visceral insurance policy for long term commitments.

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Everyone wants to orgasm. This is just a fact of life and nature. Long ago, before pornography was everywhere, desire and lust still held a formative place in our human sexuality makeup, but we all had a little more room to imagine orgasmic experience and less to compare ourselves to. With the advent of internet pornography, you can witness orgasm on demand, but that doesn’t mean you can make yourself, or anyone else have one. There in lies the conundrum of orgasm.

Of all the coveted human experiences, what makes orgasm so elusive is that it cannot be forced. Even many methods of cajoling seem to backfire. Desperation and orgasm are strange bedfellows. Here we only need to unleash our imagination for a moment and it is clear how much sexual behavior lives in this odd coupling- faking, purchasing, role playing, submitting, dominating, what we will not do for an orgasm is somewhat astounding. Several great sex therapists that I know, tell me that the quest can cost many people their relationship. Orgasm almost becomes the oxymoron in this situation when it is the relationship itself which is given as the fertile ground to grow and nurture the comfort with our sexuality which opens the door to orgasm.

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Having an orgasm starts with feeling aroused. No arousal, no orgasm. Arousal begins in the brain, specifically the limbic area of the brain where our sense of smell intersects with our emotional process, our memory store and our sexuality. Vibrations of arousal and eventually orgasm live in the body and are triggered in the brain. Trust your sense of smell and indulge your olfactory in whatever scents turn you on. Napoleon was well known for requesting his wife to not wash for a week when he was coming home, whereas for other people axe body wash is the ultimate in sexy smells, whatever it is know that our olfactory system has always been foundational to the art of mating and use it to your advantage.

Arousal is a visceral experience and bodies are built for motion. Nowhere is this more useful than in sexual exploration. Although this may seem like stating the obvious, it is not a small percentage of people who tense up and stop moving around in their sexual activity. There is more than hip thrusting to experiment with. Experimenting with moving all of your limbs, rolling your neck and stretching into new positions can trigger arousal points that you didn’t know you had. If you can think of no other reason that wanting to understand more about your orgasmic potential, try and fit in a little bit of core strengthening exercises into your life. Being able to hold onto someone you love from the inside will make you feel both strong and sexy.

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‘Sex-positive, a term that’s coming into cultural awareness, isn’t a dippy love-child celebration of orgone � it’s a simple yet radical affirmation that we each grow our own passions on a different medium, that instead of having two or three or even half a dozen sexual orientations, we should be thinking in terms of millions.’ – Dr. Carol Queen

Orgasm is a product of a sexually healthy lifestyle and sexual health is derived from positive sexual education. Imagine if we believed that we all had a basic right to sexual health and instead of a shame and fear based explanations of sexuality, which mostly focus on avoiding sexuality, we were all privileged to a comprehensive sexual education which was both non-judgmental and focused on the life enhancing aspects of human sexuality. Imagine if we grew up believing that pleasure was a normal and healthy part of maturing sexuality. The world could not stay the same.

The term sex-positive has been floating around since the early 80′s and developed in response to the anti-porn feminist movement. This idea tried to make a space for respecting and creating healthy sexual identities and relationships. Working to redefine our culture that makes us fearful and ignorant about sexuality � others, and ours is a process of education and intent. It means that going beyond the limited view of ‘normal’ and recognizing our sexual prejudices for what they are, much as one would work toward an awareness of racism, disability-phobia, or other forms of systemic prejudice that influences our judgments and our actions.

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